BUT! This is not time for negativity. In fact, I don't really feel too negative today, in spite of things. I'm not a naturally positive person, but I'm just feeling good right now. I think its a combination of the good things that have been happening for me, and Samhain.
I am not strictly pagan, but it would be more than fair to say I lean very heavily that way. And I do celebrate Halloween/Samhain, although not in the "traditional" fashion ;) I would be up for costume parties and things, but until recent years, I have never had friends who were really interested in Halloween (isn't it typical, this year was the first time EVER I've been invited to a Halloween party and it clashed with something! Oh never mind!). So I started using Halloween as a time to think about and remember loved ones who have passed on. A few years ago, someone told me that Samhain is basically the pagan new year, and I have noticed a lot of positive things seem to happen for me around October and November.
My Halloweens still tend to be solitary (my family do not care for it either, they pretend not to be home as they also dislike trick-or-treaters...nowadays, most of that seems to be over well by 8pm), but I usually treat myself to some candy (hey, you gotta ;) ) while watching The Nightmare Before Christmas with subtitles turned on just to make it into a sing-along, while hugging my Jack Skellington plushie. Then shortly before midnight, I set things up, light candles, get out my tarot cards, and begin to meditate for a while. I think about the year that has just gone by, the good and the bad, I think about my loved ones who have passed on, meditate, and then I do some tarot spreads.
This year, I have to work until 9, but I've decided to go into work looking as festive as the uniform policy will allow, annoy everyone at the Returns Desk by singing TNBC songs all night, and sharing Halloween Horror Mix with my colleagues ;) I'm just glad I'll be home long before midnight, so I can do my little ritual thing that I do...its become rather important to me over the years. However, I look forward to being daft...its a positive time of the year too.
Over the last couple of weeks I've had a couple of niggles and crappy things happen, but generally my mood has remained chipper, or something has just come along to spoil all the gloom before it gets too bad (take today...pooey day of work, another early shift on something like 4 hours sleep...after my nap, I find my package from Moonmaiden Gothic Clothing has arrived...something about getting lovely black velvet things just cheers me up immensely! XD). This past year will be certainly be an interesting one to reflect upon. It has been a hugely difficult year, but so many good things have come of it. Along with redundancy, relationship problems, losing several friends (not to death, but it still hurts!), my mother being very ill, family problems and so on, it has been a struggle, but along the way, my important relationships improved, new, better friends have emerged to more then fill the gaps in my life left by those who have let me down, a new job (that admittedly with its own problems) has come along, and I'm financially in a much better situation, and now it seems that the career I have longed dreamed about following, being a writer, has set in motion. In the last 4 months, I have had 3 submissions accepted- this time last year, I was still scribbling in my notebook wondering how it would ever happen.
So yes, thats my reflective post, ahead of Halloween. In other news...MUCH BUSY! Still struggling to get everything done- these stupid early shifts bugger up my routine and make me sleepy, and I'm just finding it hard to get anything done. But I think its just a phase and will pass soon. My tattoo is healed, but sadly lost some ink in the healing process- probably because of my awful chafing work shirts! Luckily, touch-ups are free at the studio I went to, so I'm going to pop back at the weekend ;)
Right, its getting late- fortunately I'm not up early tomorrow, but I must dash, plenty more to do before bedtime!
Merry Halloween and a Happy Samhain :)
