ISWG- Scheduled for Meltdown in 5...4...3...

Almost missed this month's IWSG- thank goodness for Twitter, which reminded me! (Even if I spend way too much of my time on there harmlessly stalking celebrities I like!)  The reason for my absences in recent weeks and months actually ties in nicely into this post- I missed April's due to personal reasons, and May was just extremely busy for me all month.  Now we're into June, and I'm hoping that I can snatch some downtime to myself, because in all honesty, I'm about to burn out, mentally and emotionally.

As if I haven't mentioned it enough times on my blog, I've been under a lot of stress this year so far, but sadly, my hiatus and trip to the US wasn't quite enough for me to recover.  Without listing all the details, I'm facing home and family problems, and my day-job is rapidly becoming unbearable (in fact, only a couple of days ago, I was physically assaulted by a customer- this has been the final straw for me, and I am now searching for a new job outside of the customer-service industry, especially as management haven't been supportive).  I've been prone to depression, stress and anxiety, and finding it hard to cope with much besides a social life (which may sound really awful, that the only thing I can do right, right now, is have an active social life, but in all honesty, despite the energy I expend having it, its one of the few things keeping me sane right now).

This of course has left very little time for writing and drawing.  I'm passing up submissions that would be pretty good for me, because I either don't have the time or the energy.  While writing doesn't generally stress me out, it does require both time and energy, as said, and neither of those I have in abundance right now.  With my daily schedule still in tatters (you'd think a month would be enough to get back on track!), my downtime at home when I come home from work usually involves surfing the net, a wee bit of TV, a book if I'm lucky (not much time for reading even!), painting my nails ridiculously crazy colours or sleeping.  I'm doing a LOT more sleeping.

On one hand, its awfully frustrating, because I've tasted success (another anthology out recently, another next month), and I know I have to keep working at it if I want more of it.  While I have been known to knock out a short story in a night, it takes hours of furious typing and a flurry of vicious editing, and as you can imagine, this requires me to be very alert, energetic and wired.  Those periods of energy are not very prolonged for at the moment.

I have even struggled to maintain my usual exercise regime (although fortunately, a lot of going out means a lot of walking!), which has probably played its hand in affecting my mood.

Its also frustrating because I'm having IDEAS.  If only I could have the energy to scribble furiously for a bit, and I'll probably finish the first draft of my novel within the next month or so, I can really feel it.  I'm having lots of art ideas too.  Art is something I can do in a more relaxed state, luckily (as I love to recline while drawing, and it also doesn't stress me out) but once again, I need to be very focused, and alert enough to do so.  At the moment, if I'm relaxed, I'm going to sleep.

On the other hand though, I am aware that with everything the way it is, its very important for me to let writing and art take the back seat for now.  I'm confident the ideas will still be there (especially for the novel), but if I try to juggle everything right now, I am going to snap.  I am probably on the verge of a breakdown, and I'm seriously considering getting signed off work.  I already have a doctor's appointment booked.

Now, I say all this, without being negative (REALLY! :P).  I actually feel quite positive at the moment, because I have some ideas of how to avert this meltdown, and they are going to involve some major life changes.  Its definitely going to involve a career change (still hoping if the writing works out well, that can be a help too ;) ), and things are going to change at home also.  I'm also going to start introducing a strict routine for myself, written on a timetable like I had back at college :P I am pretty confident that if I act now, I can stop myself from going postal and losing my mind.

But it does mean that writing needs to go on the shelf for the moment.

But I'm totally ok with that, because it gives me something else to write about ;)


(PS- deleted to discover my acid-trip dreams are coming back!  I love my crazy dreams, but went through a long phase without any!  Lets hope I get time to record them again soon!)

HMV- You are really not very rock and roll!

So I woke up this morning to find several of my “alternative” friends spreading about this story:

http://www.nme.com/news/various-artists/66791

Now, a lot of people were stating how they haven’t shopped in HMV in years anyway, and before I continue, I will admit, my HMV purchases over the last couple of years have been a bit spread out…sorry to say it, but my local branches don’t have the same variation in stock anymore (can you believe I used to find Emilie Autumn and The Birthday Massacre in their stores!?) and the prices are not competitive. I suppose I can’t blame them (and that is a discussion for another day) but I do usually have a look in store anyway and have snapped up the odd bargain.

One of the things that made shopping there nice was the fact the staff were varied; many were rocker/alternative types, with dyed hair, body piercings and tattoos etc. They all wore uniform, but I think they looked pretty cool, and I would often have a nice chat with a HMV worker about where they got their latest ink or whatever.

I used to hold up HMV as an example of “alternative-friendly” companies when giving advice to people trying to find work in retail (Claire’s Accessories, in my experience, has been another). But now I am seriously considering boycotting them.

My reaction may sound rash and impulsive, but the reason why I am appalled by the new policy is the EXISTING staff. It is one thing to turn away a potential candidate based on their appearance, but completely another thing to hire someone and then give them grief later down the line based on their appearance, when it was not an issue at the time of the hiring.

I’m not saying that we should all just dress how we like for work- there is a time and a place- but imagine hiring someone 3 years ago with visible tattoos etc. Imagine they have been a valued employee for 3 years, they have worked hard, done well, been loyal and dedicated to the company (as more of us become disillusioned with retail, this is becoming harder to find!), and then over night, deciding to take disciplinary action against this employee because a new policy states that they can’t have a visible tattoo.

What the flaming heck is that employee supposed to do? Find a cheese grater and bite down on a stick!?

Ok, I’m being a bit melodramatic, but it grossly unfair, in my opinion, to spring this on the existing staff. Heck, I think its taken the whole company backwards ten years and reversed what little respect and understanding the alternative community was gaining from the general public, but I digress.

I just hope these guys don’t face disciplinaries or even termination because of this. I also find the denim-skirts for the women sexist…it could be that article was just a short one and didn’t have full details, but if the women can ONLY wear skirts, then…hello 50s! Where have you been?

I am not saying all this as someone unfamilliar with the retail industry or customer service either. I have been in some form of customer-service-based work for most of the last 10 years. My first ever job was at a newsagents, where I wore black lipstick to work, much to the amusement of many of the patrons (many of whom were elderly). I was a teenager then, and not required to observe any form of uniform policy, but my following job was for a fashion retailer, and my work revolved around the products and customer service. I adhered to the uniform policy (which I didn’t think was so bad), kept my appearance neat and proper…I felt comfortable and yet, recieved many compliments. One of my colleagues was the furthest thing from a Goth you’d ever find, yet she was covered in tattoos and piercings, and always looked smart, fashionable and respectable!

My current job is running a returns desk- a huge amount of public interaction is required, I wear a uniform…yet I am also identifiable as a Goth. I always pass my evaluations, I am clean and tidy, yet people can still tell who I am. A lot of my coworkers are heavily modded- and no one cares!

Back in January 2011, I submitted this article for EGL Magazine:

http://www.egl-magazine.co.uk/#/corporate-goth/4547028434

So you can see, I’m not one of these raving teenagers who don’t know what the “real world” is about and thinks life is cruel if you can’t have purple hair and padlock through your nose. MY opinion is that we should all be happy how we look, but there is a time and a place for it. Be you goth, punk, rocker, emo, or whatever loveable misfit, you should be able to still be yourself and present yourself in a professional manner.

I just wish that these companies would just realise that they are potentially missing out on some really great people working for them, just because they have a personal adversion to the alternative look. And I say personal, because I do think it is down to a few individuals in an office somewhere. Someone told me today (I haven’t verified this) that HMV’s new policy comes from middle-managment head-hunted from Marks and Spencer. Now, I have nothing against M&S, but they clearly have a different demographic to a music and media retailer.

BTW, you really can be alternative and still be dressed professionally etc. (C’mon, ever see a tattooed guy in a wedding tux or a business suit? HAWT! ^_^ ). For example, the last job interview I attended, I wore a skirt-suit…I also wore a blood-red blouse and knee-high lace-up boots. I was clearly a Goth, but also imaculate. And I got the job. Trust me guys, I am not telling anyone to cover themselves up…that is the LAST thing I want anyone to do. I refuse to hide who I am, I am just willing to present myself in a different light.

And as for the HR zombies who think customers hate how we look too- my current job deals with customer complaints DAILY. In my entire working career, I have never recieved or even heard a complaint regarding a staff-member’s appearance.

So in the meantime, I hope that HMV staff are not subject to bad treatment due to their existing appearances, and while I would hate to see the retailer go bust (I have experienced that myself), I just cannot bring myself to shop in a store that considers people who look like me to be somehow dirty or inferior.


(Note: reposted from my Tumblr blog: http://little-blackavar.tumblr.com/ Since the first posting, it has been suggested to me that the story on HMV maybe fake, but I decided to repost anyway.)